Rock
Scissors
Fuck
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
