sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
