can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
