Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
