Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
