everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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