Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
