I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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