we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
