Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
