That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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