why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
