is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
