i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
