Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
