So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize