yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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