My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
