we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
