Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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