I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize