everyone is single if you try hard enough
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
