If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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