it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
