boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize