what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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