She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
