A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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