i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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