the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
