I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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