ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
