can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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