i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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