she looked like the before picture.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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