girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
