i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
