i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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