So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize