Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
