I need help removing her.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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