He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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