I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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