I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
