well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
