Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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