Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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