Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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