Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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