You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
