If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
