Cold hands, warm shart.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
