And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
