I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
