i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We are all done wearing pants today
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
