I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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