While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
