i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
