he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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