Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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