Your mouth is God's brothel.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
