a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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