if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize