i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
