I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
