I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So many bounce houses so little time
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
