"it" just moved
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
